Dreaming big

You may have thought that my dreams were to become a cowgirl, but I’ll let you into a secret, I had many other aspirations too.

From young, music, fashion and the stage were my passion. I could easily go into a world of my own, standing infront of the mirror in my bedroom singing my heart out or impersonating somebody I had seen on tv. I had a desperate need to express myself.

I felt I was nothing like my sisters or parents.

Playing the fool came naturally

Maybe I’m adopted I thought. That would explain my dark skin and brown eyes, I recall somebody saying I was the milkman’s? Makes sense. Nicola and Julia’s eyes are blue and they’re much fairer.

Plus who acts weirdly infront of mirrors.

I don’t know anyone.

When I look back, I think I had a deep yearning to express myself, whether it was dressing up, dancing, singing or dreaming big.

There were no options for making a career out of this. I was told to apply myself, focus more and READ.

Sally doesn’t read.

Teachers said let her read anything, it doesn’t matter what she reads so I started reading Trixie Beldon. I think my father was hoping for at least Enid Blyton, somebody reputably acclaimed, but academics involved theory and words. Lots and lots of words that got lost in my head or went in one ear and out the other. I misunderstood sayings.

My mother would often say can you keep an eye on this. She also did a lot of ironing.

I thought she said can you keep an iron on this.

Why would you ever keep an iron on when you’re watching out for something?

Where’s your common sense Sally.

I daydreamed, imagined and created stuff up in my head. I mastered the art of impersonating people and making them laugh. Laughter was my tonic, strangely it didn’t take a lot to raise a laugh, so I did it more and often during class. Teachers didn’t love me.

Some people misunderstood my joking around thinking they could make fun of me and my supposed lack of intellect. They were wrong, I was extremely sensitive. I wasn’t the cleverest, I knew that, so entertaining a crowd brought acceptance and confidence in another way.

There’s a fine line between people laughing at you or with you. Sometimes people laughed at my expense. That wasn’t so nice.

I believed having my wonky teeth straightened would resolve my problems. The subject of teeth was regularly brought up at the dinner table.

Can I have braces, I’d say.

But your teeth are fine.

No they’re not.

You wouldn’t be Sally if you had straight teeth. I don’t see what’s wrong with them.

Inevitably it would end up with me storming out of the kitchen and running up to my room.

Oh well, I’ll just stay ugly, I thought.

The truth was, orthodontics were expensive and my parents couldn’t afford it at the time. Plus our dentist was in England, we visited him once a year and that was that. Logistically it wasn't going to work.

So I made do with what I had, and carried on.

I was 25 when I had my teeth fixed. I was lucky to have a boyfriend at the time who supported me wholeheartedly. Once the braces came off I realised nothing much had changed, I was still that same person, seeking acknowledgement, unsure of my direction in life and lacking in self confidence.

It was all in my head, if I didn't believe in myself, then who would? So I made a point of challenging myself, I decided to throw myself at any opportunity that came my way, learn from my mistakes and be resolute in searching for my own path in life.

Sally the dreamer, the empath, the creative, the lover of people and life