Bing

Alexander was born 17 October 2000, the year of the dragon. Our second child, the heaviest of our 3 and the fastest to make his entry into the world.

He was a little cross and disgruntled at facing the noisy outside, having had the comfort and safety of growing inside my tummy.

You have a healthy, baby boy they said, 3.860kilos and 49cm.

Only 49cm?

So they whisked him away and stretched him out a bit, and came back with 51cm.

Better, I thought.

So how do I put this funny creature into words? Let me try.

Greg and Alexander, 2 peas in a pod

Alexander is an enigma. He’s hard to fathom, difficult to reach, intensely emotional and highly sensitive.

He will blow like the wind, one minute happy and carefree the next minute, moody and unplayable.

Alexander was an unsettled baby. I spent many weeks back and forth to the paediatrician trying to figure out why he wouldn’t sleep. We changed formula after formula hoping each one would make him less restless. But one thing I know. Our babies are born with their own characters blueprinted right from the start.

Alexander has always been a boy playing to his own drum beat.

He was happy to be in the arms of somebody. Julia and my parents came to help with our little newborn and they each took turns to hold him. He didn’t sleep during the day so nothing much got done. As long as he was able to look around and check out what was going on, he was happy.

We had many nicknames for him.

My father called him Alexander the Great.

Daniel couldn’t pronounce Alexander so he called him Zander, then we named him Zandee, then Zandee Barndee, then Bingy, becoming Bing and as he got older, Barnes. He suited all these unusual names.

Growing up, he was the baby with the biggest blue eyes and the brightest smile, blond curly locks and deep dimples. His favourite pastimes were eating and Thomas the Tank Engine. Routine was extremely important, an episode of Thomas before school was the norm. Getting Alexander to settle at nursery wasn’t as straightforward as Daniel. I tried, Greg tried, his teachers tried. Alexander ended up in Daniel’s class, learning the alphabet and numbers at just 2, happy as a lark having Daniel close by.

Check out those dimples

To Alexander eating was a full sensory experience. He’d often end up on Greg’s lap for a round 2 of dinner. The boys fed and in bed, Greg would come home from work and sit down for supper. Next moment we would hear a pitter patter of feet down the corridor, a cheeky smile at the door, quick as a flash he would clamber on to Greg’s lap. No time for chatter, the focus was on the food. One mouthful for Greg, another for Zander. On it would go until the plate was finished.

Life for Alexander was colourful, interesting and heightened. His curiosity was intense, he immersed himself in stories and his imagination often ran away with him. News in Grade 1 involved circle time and each child recounting in turn what they had done over the weekend. Alexander’s hand would go up, he was swimming in the sea and he had a fight with a shark. The shark was strong but he was stronger.

Where did he bite you, the children asked. Finding the smallest blemish or mark on his skin, he would point, right there.

He absorbed as much information as he could about anything that scared him. He became a living encyclopaedia on sharks. Books were devoured, Calvin and Hobbs religiously read at the dining room table, he reanacted sword fights from Lord of the Rings and vividly relived this fantasy world in his head.

One time the children were asked what animal they would like as a pet, and if you wished for it hard enough, you might get it. Alexander wanted a buffalo. It took a long time to explain why this wouldn’t/couldn’t happen.

Along came Oli when Alexander was 2 and rocked his world. It took quite some time for him to adjust, he refused to call Oli anything but Baby.

As Alexander got older and adjusted to his new little brother, a competitiveness developed between the two. Oli desperately wanted to be as big as his older brothers and Alexander was determined he wasn’t going to allow it. Oli was naturally adventurous and social, he wanted to be a part of anything that was going on. Too much encroachment on Alexander’s territory. It would take one swipe from Alexander to put Oli back in his place.

Daniel and Alexander’s relationship on the other hand was most of the time filled with fun and laughter.

Me and Alexander in the Karoo, one of my favourites

Food continued to make the world go around for Alexander. If his tank was low, the wheels came off. You’d have to keep fueling his food intake, if the tank was full he was as happy as Larry. Growing up his best was cooking with Poppop, his grandfather.

My father has a great passion for food and enjoys the process of preparing adventurous dishes. At Christmas time it would involve watching a pig’s head bubble away to make brawn, the tedious chore of preparing shellfish, deboning and beheading fish for a Christmas Eve feast or watching a leg of pork slowly roast in the pizza oven. Like my father, Alexander appreciates and delights in the art of preparing good food. Sitting down in amongst family and friends and enjoying the fruits of your cooking pretty much tops it all.

Junior school was an all boys school, he learnt how to navigate this world gravitating towards the more playful, quirkier boys. Play involved a healthy bout of rough and tumble, lots of harmless teasing and running around, making up names and language for his close friends. He was not interested in being part of the in crowd, this was far too restrictive for Alexander. He had to be free to be himself and his friends loved him for who he was.

This quirky, happy boy became famous in our family for his observations on life. What is the catch of the day, chicken or fish, imagine if your grandmother was Lebanese, don’t ever look a baboon in the eye, Granny can I ride on your back (swimming to the shore at age 7), I’m actually really, really good at table tennis (2023).

Alexander birthday boy

He was an anxious little soul too, picking up on the crime we lived with here in South Africa.

One day I’m going to live in the safest place in the world, he remarked, I think it’s Denmark.

His independence and free spirit didn’t often gel well with a conservative South African all boys school. As he moved up to high school, his hairstyles became a constant battle with the teachers. There were strict guidelines on short back and sides. Alexander would rather spend his time dodging and hiding, than conform. It was an ongoing battle with the two of us. Why? he would say in between gritted teeth, you don’t have to go to SACS I’d say, choose another school if you don’t like the rules.

SACS boys

The fact was Alexander loved his sport and his school was renowned for some of the best rugby, cricket, waterpolo teams in the country. The school came with an enormous sense of pride and history, and he secretly valued that. He’d also grown up with a close bunch of friends who meant the world to him. He enjoyed the commaraderie of team sports and surprisingly became a member of the school cadets.

He played great rugby in high school. Secretly he set himself a goal, to play in the A team for his age group. Not afraid of hard work coupled with a steely determination, he achieved this. It was such a pleasure to watch him, tackling fearlessly, completely immersed and focussed on the game, working tirelessly and passionately for his team. As soon as he achieved his goal, he decided this was mission accomplished. He proved to himself he could do it, he was more than capable, now he wanted to enjoy the game and have fun with his friends.

School and studying was an uphill climb for Alexander, I can’t say he worked too hard. We all knew he was very smart but applying himself to sit down and listen was a challenge. He absorbed knowledge, learning about the map of the world, reading up on History, working out how to operate technology, he learnt by figuring it out himself. Trial and error.

Humour was part of Alexander’s world too.

In his spare time he would read comics, watch movies and study people’s mannerisms. He became an excellent mimic. He joined a drama group and loved the sense of freedom and expression that that entailed. They embraced his quirky, inquisitive mind and enjoyed his eccentricity.

That smile

High school came and went, UCT started but never finished.

Crunch time came when we ended up celebrating Christmas in the Canary Islands at the same time as receiving his results. A family meeting was held, Alexander surrounded by his grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins and us. Alexander couldn’t drift any longer, we knew he needed a challenge. So off he went in February 2020 to Tenerife, to live with Julia and Andres for 6 months and the mission, to learn Spanish. Lockdown came at that time, but that didn’t stop him embracing the lifestyle, the language and perfecting a great Spanish accent. Another fait accompli.

From there, he applied and got into Erasmus University in Rotterdam to study Psychology. He is there as we speak. Studying together with working for a fintech company in Amsterdam, he has grown in maturity and wisdom. Mistakes have been made, but thankfully we don’t know many of them.

He rides a bike like a native, continues to change hairstyles regularly, is passionate about Arsenal and football, devours food - slow down Alexander - mimics and entertains a crowd, loves his country, adores his family.

Alexander, Rotterdam

We don’t know where his journey will take him, but one thing we know for sure. He will seek the finer things in life, he will challenge himself and surprise us and he will always remain indisputably himself.